Edison the Siberian husky
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Top 15 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
15. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
14. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
13. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
12. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.
11. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
10. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
9. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
7. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
6. Still trying to come up with an emoticon that signifies tail wagging.
5. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
4. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, *cats*, on the other hand...
3. SIT and STAY were hard enough; GREP and AWK are out of the question!
2. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. (Too Damn Hard To Type with
paws!)

The Dog Dictionary

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered
couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as
you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other
dogs rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand
on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine
wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person
then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out.
Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during
thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your
eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored,
turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa
to wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking
vigorously and frequently.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love
is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

The Difference between Cats and Dogs

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me... I must be a God!



Did you ever notice
when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!